we are alive for so much more. we don’t exist simply to die, or to burn. whether you are religious or not, we exist for something. something quite beautiful and raw that be called nothing more than l i f e . we exist to live. to laugh, to love. we can’t limit ourselves to something as futile as burning. we’re intelligent. we can think for ourselves. we exist to live. to be in this life. please, don’t forget that like i did. don’t let yourself believe you live to burn.
we exist.
“Tell me, Edelweiss, tell me when you gave up on hope,” he hissed venomously. He didn’t give her time answer. “Was it when he dropped you?” Ender bit through the inside of her cheek. Blood was all she could taste. Despite its taste, she swallowed it. Ender could not show Adrian her discomfort.
“No. It was long before that.” Years before Stephen had ever dropped her. The day was burned into her memory. Etched in her mind. Ender trailed her fingers along the bookshelf, turning away from Adrian. “Hope can’t help you with anything you cannot do yourself.” Her voice had not risen any higher than a whisper. It should’ve been stronger. She shouldn’t have faltered, and yet, her voice struggled to be heard.
excerpt #2
…. i dont know what im doing. this is clearly not working. umm…. here?
It was not silent. no, whatever people said about the night being silent, it was wrong. At night, the world was not silent, but loud. The trees whispered as they billowed in the wind, owls hooted as they said hello, the rickety wood porch creaked beneath their weight, the wind whistled, the grass tittered. It was not quiet. It was not silent.
Perhaps it did not have the cheerful children, or the sound of birds calling out to one another, but it was something entirely different. Something that was louder to Adrian than the day would ever be. And somehow, he too, felt more alive in the dead of night.
“Adrian?” He did not move. He kept staring hard into the horizon wondering if the stars would give him his answer today. “Adrian,” they said again. He knew who it was. Knew the soft undertones of the voice, the way the voice demanded to be heard. Adrian turned, and the girl smiled just a bit.
“Edelweiss,” Adrian said, his voice quite the opposite of her’s. It was rough where her’s was soft, asking to be heard while her’s demanded it.
“It’s Ender, Adrian. Just Ender.” So she had told him, time and time again. Ender, he thought. what a peculiar nickname. what would she be the end to? she could be the end to her life. the end to others.
The end to mine.
There is a lot she could be the ending of.
“If I could ask for your thoughts would you give them?” she asked quietly, after neither of them spoke for a while. Eyes drifting to Ender, Adrian let himself study her. She wasn’t looking at him, she looked straight ahead, to the thicket of trees. Without trying, she could pull the attention to herself. She didn’t dress in bright colors or speak obnoxiously. She was dressed rather simple in her pale cardigan and skirt. how did she do it?
“Adrian?” Ender peered closely at him when he did not answer, touching her fingertip to the edge of his ear. Adrian shivered. He wanted her finger there. Wanted her to look at him like that all the time.
“Yes?”
Her finger dropped to his neck. “Would you give your thoughts if I asked for them?” He could still feel the touch of her finger on his ear. He wanted her to touch him. Needed her to pay attention to him.
“Possibly.”
“What are you thinking of?” Her fingers ran down the slope of his shoulders, tracing his arm to his hand, where she let his fingers dance upon his hand. He did not know if he was thinking at all. All he knew was her fingers danced on the back of his hand. Ender was close enough that he could feel her warmth in the violent November air.
Dragging his eyes away from her, he searched for the North Star in sky dotted with white speckles almost identical. He needed to think. Needed to focus, and the North Star would help point him in the right direction, but Ender stood there, watching and waiting for her answer. It seemed as though she herself were a star.
“The North Star. The night. The world, this school, this life, my life, a life and-” he stopped himself. None of those things were on his mind. Maybe only the North Star, but that did not make up even a fourth of his mind. He held his tongue, studying the nicks and lines of the wooden banister.
When he finally spoke again, it seemed as though all the world had quieted to hear him speak, for his voice was a coarse whisper. “You.”
Ender’s fingers stopped dancing, settling instead on the edge of Adrian’s nails. Ender’s smile grew, revealing that she had already known the answer, and had wanted Adrian to say it.
“You,” Adrian said again, his hand moving to trace the shape of her ear.. “You and you and you.” His lips brushed the side of her face as he murmured in her ear. Then, he was silent. His mouth shaping her name, but never saying it, letting the night speak for him.
polartss